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Introduction

Prologue

Links
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Main Page

 

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

PROLOGUE – I Had A Dream

01 – Touchdown London

i. Media darlings; who, us?
ii. 14 pints & a party invite; it’s not even lunchtime yet!
iii. Lost in Brixton
iv. Day trippers
v. Another party, another girl
vi. Europe beware, StuHefner is here!

02 – Kidnapped In Copenhagen

vii. Strip clubs, bars & animal sex
viii. Leaving Dodge, and don’t spare the horses!

03 – Greece Is The Word

ix. The mad Italian
x. Pirates on the high seas
xi. Let’s go camping
xii. Simon’s story
xiii. There’s no such thing as a free lunch
xiv. The original House Party
xv. Peanuts from the sky
xvi. All boats lead to Rome

04 – StuHefner’s Roman Holiday

xvii. Back on the A-List
xiii. Any colour you want; as long as it’s Gucci
xix. Ssshhh!! Secret squirrel
xx. StuHefner Olympic contender
xxi. TheHef’s midsummer nights dream
xxii. Pyramus & Thisbee come on down
xxiii. Two coins in a fountain
xxiv. Livin’ la dolce vita

05 – Fishing in Germany

xxv. Half a day to detox
xxvi. Home is really a hole in the ground
xxvii. Keeping it in the family
xxiii. TheHef’s guide to faux pas management made easy

06 – Putting Holes In Swiss Cheese

xxix. Tarred, feathered & run out of town
xxx. A glacier runs through it
xxxi. Fear & loathing in Locarno
xxxii. She’ll be coming on the mountain when she comes
xxxiii. A bird in the hand is worth two in the forest

07 – Waltzing Vienna

xxxiv. Two Indians, no arrows & a cocktail bar
xxxv. V.P.L.
xxxvi. A short history lesson followed by a geography lesson
xxxvii. Believe It Or Not
xxxviii. Tom’s story
xxxix. Amnesty International calls TheHef
xl. A Visa? But I already have a Mastercard
xli. Plan B? What about Plan C?

08 – Budapest, Queen Of The Danube

xlii. Brad to the rescue
xliii. Needles in a haystack
xliv. Bruce Springsteen’s bodyguard
xlv. Three cities united – a short History lesson
xlvi. Meet Mr. Robot
xlvii. The United Nations of Drinking
xlviii. International rules for beverage consumption
xlix. Zoltan is K.G.B.
l. Arrested in translation

09 – Vienna; A Zipp & The Great Divide

li. When in Vienna
lii. Ouzo & Tequila; the Devil’s spawn
liii. A shooting at The Opera
liv. Great Divide fills a small space

10 – The Geneva Convention

lv. Not the mechanic my Father was
lvi. You gotta spend it to make it!
lvii. TheHef’s 6ix

11 – Vienna, A Haircut & A Real Job

lviii. The Polish murder restaurant
lix. Jane! Stop this crazy thing!
lx. A cunning plan M’Lord
lxi. StuHefner & the Aryan
lxii. The Chad is great!
lxiii. But I am only going one way, Officer
lxiv. Lost in the Bermuda Triangle
lxv. Swedish meatballs
lxvi. StuHefner back in court
lxvii. A strawberry white wine
lxviii. The Trainee

12 – Budapest Or Bust

lxix. Not quite Paris; an Hilton just the same
lxx. Lost
lxxi. Party at Hanging Rock

13 – The Transylvanian Undertakers Daughter

lxxii. Very Lost
lxxiii. Bucharest / Romania
lxxiv. Sofia / Bulgaria
lxxv. Belgrade / Serbia
lxxvi. Transylvania
lxxvii. StuHefner - Urban Legend
lxxviii. Zagreb / Croatia
lxxix. Ljubljana / Slovenia

14 – StuHefner, Merchant Of Venice

lxxx. Close but no cigar
lxxxi. Power of the pussy
lxxxii. Many islands searched, no Gilligan
lxxxiii. Venice, where Romeo met his Juliet

15 – The Princesses Of Monte Carlo

lxxxiv. Realm of the Gate Keeper
lxxxv. Nice is nice but Monte Carlo is the camel’s hump!
lxxxvi. The blagman cometh
lxxxvii. Monaco, all you need to know

16 – The French Connection

lxxxviii. Bums on seats, heads on fences
lxxxix. The Bells Master, the Bells!!
xc. Art for arts sake
xci. Conspiracy theory

17 – Amsterdam, My Favourite Wasted Time

xcii. Lost in transit
xciii. Supersize us
xciv. Sheeba & the bagman
xcv. The Scots & the Bulldog

18 – Back In The U.S.S.R. U.K.

xcvi. A good behaviour bond
xcvii. It’s a small world

19 – Pagan Rites Of Passage

xcvii. The Hef Finds His Self
xcix. Field of Dreams
c. The after-death
ci. The Letter

20 –Sweden’s ‘Queen of the Ice’

cii. Close, still no cigar

21 – Sinking In Helsinki

ciii. The Hef comes in from the cold
civ. A country of contrasts
cv. She knows what I did last Summer

22 – Welcome To The Hotel California

cvi. You can check out any time you like
cvii. Such a lovely place
cviii. Another Tequila sunrise

EPILOGUE – Therapy, My Emotional Enema!